p/s: dont worry, only clean jokes...
'a prayer for dinner parties'
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the mother said.
The child bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
“What the hell was that for? ” he asks.
“That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary Ellen written on it,” she replies.
“Don’t be silly,” he says. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”
She seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. Three days later he ’s again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes around, he asks again, “What the hell was that for? ”
“Your horse just phoned. “
At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home… He asks him: “What are you doing?”
The son replied: “Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!”
Father said: Wait! I am coming with you..
'a rabbi, a hindu and a lawyer'
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, “I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It’s against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!”
The Hindu said he would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, “There’s a COW in the barn! I can’t sleep in the same room as a cow! It’s against my religion!” The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he’d go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered…
A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence.
Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep, ” the husband replied, “in-laws “.
hope that y'all enjoyed...im more than glad to post new jokes upon request...hehehehe